How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool.I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.Why did the car get a flat tire? Because there was a fork in the road!.Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.Have you heard about the guy who stole the calendar?! Well, he got 12 months!.My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are.What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.I know they say that money talks, but all mine says is “Goodbye.”.She responded, "No, I just really hate vegetables." When I met my now wife, I asked if she was vegetarian because she really loved animals.Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.Two fish in a tank, one looks at the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?". ![]()
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